I Don't Know How You Do It!

I have to admit, as someone who works a full time job and has four kids, I get a lot of "I don't know how you do it" thrown at me.



I'm never quite sure if its a statement of awe, pity or judgement.

Do they mean, "I don't really care how you do it.  It isn't my problem.  Just get yourself to this event on time like everyone else."

Sometimes it seems that no one cares how you do it, but just that you DO it.

No one ever asks, "How do you do it?  Tell me about your day"
"How are you doing?  No really, how are YOU doing?"

Hey, I get it.  Everyone has their own mess going on.  It doesn't bother me except when I'm being judged for my inability to do something everyone else seems to do with ease.  When I'm asked to make time for something that I just can't fit into my schedule and they say, "Oh well, I don't even know how you do it!"

Here, here is an idea of how I do it:

That empty 5:00 slot is where I used to work out, but gave up.

So when I'm late, it isn't that i don't care.  Chances are that my 2 year old wet her pants on the way out the door.  Or one of my older kids can't find a clean pair of socks because they've all been eaten by the dryer.  Or I woke up with a migraine because it was one of the 15 days this month that I've gotten one.  (No, drinking more water will not help.)

I'm not asking strangers to care, but if you know me, please don't say, "I don't know how you do it."  Ask me how I do it.

Ask me how you can pray for me.  Or how you can make my life easier.

Or if you can bring me a cup of coffee and talk during the rare occasional downtime.  Just promise that you won't judge my messy house.

Because I'm trying to do it without falling apart.  But I can't do it all.

Inside the car window

Earlier this week I was rushing to cross the street when I saw a car cross into the other lane to hurriedly make left turn.  He had the nerve to cut off my chance to catch the light.  It was about to go DOWN.

That was, until I saw an IV bag hanging in the back seat.  And my sense of entitlement instantly wore off.

In that split second, I realized this person was probably running to get their child to a procedure.  Or to make it on time to an appointment.  Or they weren’t running late at all, but at the time, obeying traffic laws wasn’t foremost on their mind.  

Once I looked past the surface, it didn’t really matter what the reason was, the solution was to yield.  Because in that moment, I could yield.  My meeting could wait.  They could not. 

I guess I should mention that I happened to be in the Children’s Hospital area.  I’m there often. So you would think I’m always in tune to the fact that people are fighting incredible battles.  As a heart mom, I should know that sometimes following the rules is that extra mile you just can’t take.  But even I forget.  Sometimes I'm too wrapped up in myself that I'm oblivious to what is going on around me.

And honestly, sometimes I am dealing with something that doesn't allow me to be present.  But in that particular moment, I could afford a little kindness.  

It made me think about how much greater life could be if we gave way to others during those times when we could. 

Hey, I’m not saying your problems are less than everyone else’s.  They’re yours and they are real.  And maybe today you are that person who could use compassion and understanding.

But maybe today you’re ok.  You woke up healthy, albeit maybe a little late for work.  And you kissed your children on your way out, then enjoyed your pumpkin spice coffee.

Now you can afford to be a little extra nice to that person who cut you off.  Because that person might just be facing something greater that you can’t see from outside the car window. 

Sometimes, a little kindness can make a world of difference to someone who is struggling not to fall apart.

And someday, we might just be able to find a little kindness granted to us when we need it most.

The other 1 percent

I'm an introvert.
I process everything internally. I could never be one of those people who tell stories about my life in a crowd.  You'll never know how I'm really feeling unless you really try to SEE me. And even then, you'll probably only ever get a portion of truth.

Not only that, I'm a shy introvert.

I thought I might outgrow my shyness.  But it seems to be my outer shell that I can't to shed.
I still get anxious when giving a presentation. Or when I have to say my name and fun fact as we're going around a  group circle.

But strangely enough, I'm a social person.

I'm not the the type of introvert that would rather sit in my pjs every weekend and binge-watch Netflix.  Don't get me wrong, that has it's special place in my heart.  But I barely turn down an invite. I love planning birthday parties for others, but I'm mortified when they do the same for me.
I love being around people.  I love taking them in. Observing from my quiet corner.  Listening, but never being heard.
Photographing but never being seen.  That's part of the reason I love being behind the camera.  I get to see the world from so many different angles, without ever being in focus.

So I'm a Shy Social Introvert (SSI).  Is that even possible?

Are there any others out there?

Back in high school, I took one of those personality tests that spits out a label and lumps you into one of 16 boxes.  To be honest, I enjoyed putting everyone's personality into a neat package with its own special wrapping.  I was always an odd child and the thought that someone out there might relate to me somewhere was fascinating.
Turns out, I was an INFJ. The Mystic. The Counselor. Empath.  Also, a unicorn.
INFJs are only 1-2% of the population.
So there went that. It makes sense that I was always the puzzle piece that never fit.
I was always that kid in the corner with a book trying to experience life through a different skin.  I spent so much of time grieving that the world couldn't just be a beautiful place of connection and acceptance.  Typical of INFJs.

I've taken the test over and over through the years just to see if it has changed.  It hasn't.

Fortunately, as you get older, you learn to accept and celebrate who you are. I like being different. I love living in a rich world full of thoughts so intricate that no one could ever imagine.

And I actually have an INFJ as a best friend--so unicorns do exist.  But they're hard to find, and a lot of them are true introverts, so you'd never know them.

But I've learned that there are some of those rare-breed social INFJs out there as well.
SSIs maybe?  The other 1%?

I wonder if they struggle as much as I do to find that balance between immersion and dissonance.

If they teeter every day between wanting to heal the world or hide away from it all.

If they're trying to find connection in a world full of white noise or just restoring their soul with a good cup of coffee, a Weepies album, and a journal.

Summer is officially kicking the bucket

Its officially here.  One of the most dreaded weeks of the year for me.  The one that marks the end of summer.
All of a sudden, schedules start to pick up and I feel like I need to start adulting again.  No more late nights and missed days of work.  It's time to get back to the grind and start school.

Right--school.

While the rest of America is well inserted in their algebraic equations and spelling bees, we are just getting our school shopping done. Around here, we start school late, and I'm fine with that.

Because I don't just love the summer, I LIVE for the summer.

Summers in New England are short and an experience like no other.   Our summers feel like a long lost friend after we've been shoveling snow well into May.
Time comes to a still as we reaquaint ourselves with the feeling of the sun beaming on our bare face again.  Sun. Warmth. Beauty.  The ocean.  It's heaven.

"Boats", Salem Harbor, Salem MA

To top it off, when you have children, there is something extraordinary about summer.  Most schools close, and it is suddenly common to hear shrieks of laughter in the park during the day again.
One of my favorite things in this world is watching the tiniest of human beings just take it all in.  Experiencing the joy of baby's first time playing in the sand, splashing in a tiny baby pool in the backyard because the temperature has reached a sweltering 100 degrees with 90% humidity.

That is summer in New England for you.  I adore it.  I want to take it all in. Savor every last summer that I get with my children.  18--they say we only get 18 summers with our children out of our 80 or so on this earth.  Taking them in is a must.

"Sandy feet" The Willows, Salem, MA

So every year, I take on a summer photo project to capture these moments of summer.  Because I believe joy should be documented and re-lived.  The past few summers, I have done "100daysofsummer".  1 picture for every day of summer that captures the joy in that day.

I started this after I went through one of the most difficult bouts of depression over a miserable, cold winter.  We were going through some crazy stuff.  We were out of the woods with our HLHS'er, but dealing with the emotional back-log of it all. Our wonderful baby #4 was just born, and we were still crammed in a tiny 2-bedroom apartment.  It was rough.  But amazingly, I did find at least one joyful moment in each day.  Looking through those pictures reminds me that I can get through anything when I find a reason.

This summer, we undertook a summer "photo bucket challenge" to switch it up a bit.  We all had a blast trying to fit it all in and looking for those tiny "aha" moments.

I get the feeling we'll look back at this as "that summer I spent chasing sunsets, camping in the mountains in NH, then on the beach in Maine."

"Blue skies" Nubble Lighthouse, York, Maine

We shared tons of laughs with our longtime friends, and stole a few moments to be alone. We captured tiny pockets of joy packaged in coffee cups, sweet treats, and silent moments.

"A perfect morning " White Lake State Park, NH

See, a bucket list is more than a list of things to do or see before you die. It's a list of things that remind you how to LIVE.

"Fearless"