The other 1 percent

I'm an introvert.
I process everything internally. I could never be one of those people who tell stories about my life in a crowd.  You'll never know how I'm really feeling unless you really try to SEE me. And even then, you'll probably only ever get a portion of truth.

Not only that, I'm a shy introvert.

I thought I might outgrow my shyness.  But it seems to be my outer shell that I can't to shed.
I still get anxious when giving a presentation. Or when I have to say my name and fun fact as we're going around a  group circle.

But strangely enough, I'm a social person.

I'm not the the type of introvert that would rather sit in my pjs every weekend and binge-watch Netflix.  Don't get me wrong, that has it's special place in my heart.  But I barely turn down an invite. I love planning birthday parties for others, but I'm mortified when they do the same for me.
I love being around people.  I love taking them in. Observing from my quiet corner.  Listening, but never being heard.
Photographing but never being seen.  That's part of the reason I love being behind the camera.  I get to see the world from so many different angles, without ever being in focus.

So I'm a Shy Social Introvert (SSI).  Is that even possible?

Are there any others out there?

Back in high school, I took one of those personality tests that spits out a label and lumps you into one of 16 boxes.  To be honest, I enjoyed putting everyone's personality into a neat package with its own special wrapping.  I was always an odd child and the thought that someone out there might relate to me somewhere was fascinating.
Turns out, I was an INFJ. The Mystic. The Counselor. Empath.  Also, a unicorn.
INFJs are only 1-2% of the population.
So there went that. It makes sense that I was always the puzzle piece that never fit.
I was always that kid in the corner with a book trying to experience life through a different skin.  I spent so much of time grieving that the world couldn't just be a beautiful place of connection and acceptance.  Typical of INFJs.

I've taken the test over and over through the years just to see if it has changed.  It hasn't.

Fortunately, as you get older, you learn to accept and celebrate who you are. I like being different. I love living in a rich world full of thoughts so intricate that no one could ever imagine.

And I actually have an INFJ as a best friend--so unicorns do exist.  But they're hard to find, and a lot of them are true introverts, so you'd never know them.

But I've learned that there are some of those rare-breed social INFJs out there as well.
SSIs maybe?  The other 1%?

I wonder if they struggle as much as I do to find that balance between immersion and dissonance.

If they teeter every day between wanting to heal the world or hide away from it all.

If they're trying to find connection in a world full of white noise or just restoring their soul with a good cup of coffee, a Weepies album, and a journal.