I had five billion things going through my mind, per usual. I’m starting to plan for a conference in October, so I want to be sure my work deadlines are taken care of before I go away. Of course that means also syncing my home life calendar because I can’t very well plan to be out for medical appointments or school events the week of a big deadline. So I started chipping away at my calendar 2 months in advance, per usual.
Some events started spilling into November, upon which I realized that my son’s birthday wasn’t in the calendar. Makes sense, because I know it. I know it. Better plug it in so I can set aside the weekend for something fun. Is it Thanksgiving weekend this year?
I hovered over the 28th. Then I hesitated for a while. 27th, 28th or 29th? Wait, I KNOW this. I think I do. Yet, in that minute that seemed like an eternity, my brain was radio-silent. Odd, because I can never get my brain to shut up. Now you're giving me nothing?
I started to freak out. Perhaps it’s because I just finished the book, Still Alice. Am I losing my memory? Has that been happening a lot more lately? Oh God, I have alzheimers.
Or do I just not remember my son’s birthday? What kind of mother doesn’t know her kid’s birthday? Bring on the waterworks.
A few minutes later, I composed myself. Regained control of my brain and plugged in the birthday (it really is the 28th). I know what my issue is. The ‘mental load’ has become overbearing. I read recently that the mental load tends to fall mostly on mothers and is starting to wear on us.
This mental load includes things like
Birthdays: and not just my family’s birthdays, but their best friend's birthdays. I plug those all in right away because chances are I will need to order presents in advance and set aside time for parties.
Other events/occasions: Because yes, I’m the kind of person that likes to reach out to friends on the anniversary of their loved one’s passing. And of course I remembered teacher's week, and nurse's week, and ice cream day. It's the 3rd Sunday in July--my apologies for adding that to your list.
Household stuff: the groceries, stocking up on toiletries, supplies, creating chore charts, the mountains of laundry.
Bills: sadly, this is where I fall behind frequently. Why is there just so much mail????
ALL the school things: uniforms, shoes, who’s in what grade now? What days are they closing this semester so that I can take them off in advance?
Don't forget the emotional stuff: Are the my children balanced and happy? The incessant worry about predators and health issues. And the one that plays on a loop--Am I failing at life?
Compound all of this with the added stress of work deadlines and forget it, my mind is a weaving jungle of madness.
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| This is your brain on mental overload |
So, is there a cure for all this?
Well of course, it's self-care. <<insert eyeroll>>
Everyone touts the importance of taking time away for yourself. But is it really self care if you come home to a pile of heaping dishes? Is it really self-care if you're brain is inundated by pervasive thoughts of planning for the next holiday?
What about the guilt of everything you're leaving behind?
The mom guilt is real. The mental overload is real. And it is winning. All. Of. The. Time.
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