It takes an island?

It takes a village. At least it used to.  It used to be that people knew the value of the whole village raising, disciplining, and really loving children.  Nowadays, it's more like and island. We're on our own figuring out this parenting thing.  And the more independent we become, the more we teach our children to be the same.  I think in large part, children are not respectful of others is because they're not taught to esteem the discipline of other elders.
How often do you see a helicopter mom fly get in the way of a good schooling her child is about to receive?  "Don't you yell at my child!"  "Mind your business."  What does that say to the child? " I don't have to respect this lady, she's not my mom."  A favorite saying of teens nowadays. This sets up a bad culture for the care-takers, educators, and even spouses of the future.
Boys are taught from an early age to be disrespectful to women except for their beloved moms.  This eventually translates into how  they will treat their wives.  Girls are taught to stand their ground and not to take "it" from nobody.  In the long run, they have a problem submitting to their husbands because after all, they aren't their daddy's.
Am I over reacting? Really? Well perhaps our <50% divorce rate indicates otherwise? Couples can't see past differences, can't agree on parenting, can't submit to one another.

What about our incivility toward others? Hop on any form of public transport and you'll quickly see what I mean.  Offering a seat to the elderly is an unwelcome task to our modern-day gentlemen.  How have we managed to get so disconnected from our humanity?

What about our failing education system? There are several fingers to point there, but ultimately, it is the students that do not take it seriously and the parents that do not back up the teachers.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating hitting other's children or out-of-place melding. But if I don't notice my child doing something wrong, feel free to give them a verbal reprimand. In my experience, it has more weight when it doesn't come from me anyways.  Sure, there have been times when I've disagreed with what an elder is complaining about (especially when it comes to my Little Lion's wild spirit) but I keep that to myself.  I try not to send the message that it's ok to disrespect your elders.
In fact, I can't imagine how hard it is for them nowadays.  A generation that grew up with so much guidance has now seen their years of experience and Influence wither away to meaningless babble.  And we suffer too because we no longer have the wisdom of those seasoned in this parenting gig.
We are now plagued with the responsibility of parenting our children all on our own. It's difficult and honestly, quite lonely.  I can't tell you how many times I hung my head in shame because I just didn't know what I could do to get my children to be model citizens. How many times I beat myself up because I just couldn't keep up with the house and be a parent at the same time.  And there were the nights I cried because it was too much-- I yelled at my kids; I was mean; I was imperfect.  And I felt alone.
I should note that I have a fantastic husband who is an amazing father. So if I felt this way, I can't imagine what others might feel like.  It's sad that we have to feel this way when we were never meant to do it alone.  No one is an island and no one should have to parent like one.  Now, where is my village?

Conscious Parenting

I've been thinking a lot lately about false beliefs. In the psychology world, these are misconceptions that we hold dearly in our inner psyche. They are subconscious beliefs that govern our attitudes in life.
Did you know that most of our habits, beliefs, and especially misconceptions, were developed during our childhood? Of course you knew that, but did you really KNOW that? Have you ever taken the time to contemplate why you act, think, and most importantly, react a certain way?

For example, I am a mom on the move. I don't have time for nonsense. I need to go, go, go. Things to do. The problem with that is that it makes life hard to enjoy. It causes me to rush my children through life, especially my middle child--My Little Lion.
My Little Lion is almost my mirror image. She's so much like me it hurts. She's independent, quietly observant, and very head-strong. She's also incredibly, meticulously sloooooooow. I am constantly yelling at her to get moving. 
"Why are you so slow?" 
"Hurry up!" 

Now isn't it odd that I remember my mother saying the same to me. Me of all people! But I'm soooooo FAST!

Sigh.

Light bulb.  I get it.

I wasn't always this swift. I was compelled into a lifestyle of endless rushing because life just couldn't wait for me. Somewhere along the line, I came to truly believe that life will pass me by if I didn't hurry to catch up.  And the irony is that life IS passing me by and I am not enjoying it.  Roses are not worth stopping to smell because there's a bus to catch. The sunset is undeserving of careful observation because dinner needs to get on the table. I'm afraid that if I don't stop to think about this and challenge this false belief, the same thing will happen to my daughter. Everything that makes her who she is--her conscientious  observing nature, will have no place in this fast-paced world. I will have yanked it out of her like a weed and all that will be left is the same damaging false belief: "Hurry up! Life will not wait for you."

And there are far more damaging beliefs I can pass on: women are unworthy of being loved; sexual attention is a form of flattery;  it's ok to react violently towards your children because that's the way we've always gotten them to listen...and soon and so forth. The more I think about ways I react to certain things, the more I see these false beliefs I developed in my early years. Sure, some of it is nature, but so much more is nurture.
It's a vicious cycle. This is why people that are abused will abuse, children of alcoholics will themselves develop vices. It takes a conscious decision to break the cycle. I have made the realization that I simply cannot parent mindlessly. My children are blank slates, and if my voice is to become their subconscious, I'd like for it be a voice of reason.
It's not easy to change. I struggle to be more patient everyday.  I'm not perfect and probably never will be. But I will parent consciously.  That's a start.