The Opposite of Fear

I live in a town obsessed with Halloween.  In fact, the entire month of October here is a celebration of fear.

My attempt at joining in the fun.

I play along with the dress up and the ghouls and goblins, but the honest truth is that my fears have nothing to do with those things.

Its funny how your fears change as you age.  When I was young, I was terrified of The Exorcist and being alone in the middle of the night.  As I got older, my fear became all about my insecurities. Speaking in public. Being the outsider in school.  Being alone.

I had a brief period when I was fearless in life.  It was that glorious time in my young adult life.  No longer bound by the idiosyncrasies of high school.  I was free to be what I wanted.  I wouldn't miss a trip the the amusement park to feed my need for thrills. And I didn't mind being alone so much. I had no one I was responsible for, I was free.

Then adulthood crept up on me. I don't know at what point exactly heights became terrifying.  And driving on the highway became an exercise in blood pressure control. But I find myself afraid of many things these days. Don't even get me started on birds.

But those are the least of my worries.  What truly haunts me late at night is imagined scenarios that would likely never actually occur.

A phone call telling me that my husband or a loved one has been in a terrible accident.
Ruining my children's lives because my parenting is all wrong.
And the worst of all...having to outlive one of my children.

Things that I should never think about.  Situations I would never want to call into my present life.  Yet my mind lives through them as if they are real.  As if trying to savor them and pull every ounce of emotion out of my body.  Sometimes it feels like I have actually lived through it.  A haunting virtual simulation.  I find myself weeping in my living room while life is going on around me. A flash of anxiety playing out my darkest fears has defeated me again.

Fears that stop me from living in the present for fear of the bad that could happen.  Even when things are perfectly fine.  I find myself worried about what is waiting on the other side. Brene Brown calls this "forboding joy."  And I call it, a good portion of my adult life.

Maybe it's the fact that as an adult, you realize how little control you actually have in life.  Children tend to look up to grown ups to solve everything.  They can't wait to grow up, thinking they will no longer have any fears, they'll be able to do anything.  But you get here and you realize that there is that expectation placed on you with absolutely no bearing.  You actually have very little control.

As a Christian, we are called to give our fears to God.  He is in control, so we don't have to be.  Some days, that's the only thing I have.  Especially when I look at my children and I think how much I would give my life to keep them safe, but in the end, there is so little I can really do.

So how can I combat those fears when they come?  What is the opposite of fear?  Bravery might seem like the right answer, but you can be brave (or cowardly) and still have fear.

I believe the opposite of this kind of fear is joy and thanksgiving. Both, because you can't really have one without the other.   In fact, it's so fitting that the month of thanksgiving comes after the month of fear.  Because we get to recall all those things we are thankful for and let go of our fear. We get to experience JOY.

Now exiting fear town. Salem, MA

I don't want to spend my adulthood afraid.  I don't want to live in fear--I want to choose joy.  It's a work in progress. So the month of November, I'm going to take on a 30 days of Thanksgiving project (more info to come). I hope you will join me.

In the meanwhile, I'd love to hear your thoughts.  What are your fears?  How have they evolved over time?  How do you combat them?